When The World Cup Came To Manchester

Patrick Dennehy 55.

Rarely, if ever have sixteen symbols from the English Language meant as much to me, as the above sixteen did.

Because, after 6 long hard years, those symbols signified a pass in the law exam – NCTJ style! Bearing in mind, I failed both law papers twice whilst at uni, this is significant!

This particular statement on its tiny scrap of paper, meant even more because I left the exam thinking I’d failed.  And not in a “Oh god, I’ve failed, but I’ve really got 78% kind of way” more in a kind of “Oh god, I’ve failed, why didn’t I analyse that checklist more / not drink 4 pints of Guinness last night kind of way”

I actually opened the exam paper, looked at the first question and closed it again.

There were two questions I could barely answer and 1 which even the great DT described as something of a “curve ball”!! Guess that’s why you didn’t really teach Blackmail then eh Dave? Next time, imagine the NCTJ are Shane Warne. Ok?

So as you might have guessed last week was the real thing – week 14 and already into the real life of exams.

I feel like both PA and Reporting went well, but as Law turned out to be the opposite of what I felt, I’m hoping the same doesn’t apply to those other two!!  Surprised there wasn’t smoke coming off my keyboard in the PA exam when I saw two questions on council finance and one on elections! 

Of course I was too busy typing, to look up from my computer, look at the window, or look anywhere else, or at anything else for that matter............

Nervously waiting for the other results now, but the nervous energy is being channelled with feverish energy towards portfolio.   It’s like an episode of Blue Peter in 111 Piccadilly at the minute with the pritt stick being seized upon at every opportunity and people bemoaning their lack of straight-line scissor skills (me included).  Where’s the guillotine when you need one?

And not only can News Associates not afford fans (see earlier posts!) but they can’t afford a colour printer either.  Or even just one, single, colour cartridge maybe?

In amongst portfolio and feature deadlines we have the World Cup – a much more exciting event than some small football tournament which took place in South Africa over the summer.  This is THE World Cup – The Shorthand World Cup indeed.

However any excitement I may have had for this competition was swiftly extinguished by the dynamic skills of one Miss Connie Primmer who dealt me a comprehensive first round knockout defeat.  The only excitement left to me is watching the mighty, unstoppable (hopefully) John Dickens sweep all before him as I hand over more and more money to Dave Mayor turf accountant with each round that passes!

Come on John – do it for Blackpool, Leeds and Simon Grayson!!

Exams!!!

And so it is, looming large - the week of exams that will go a long way to determining whether or not I leave News Associates in January with my full complement of qualifications.
To be honest, it's the bit I've always dreaded.  After two attempts at Law and at PA when at university, I somehow had some kind of magical belief that things would be different this time. 
As it stands, I'm not sure they are.
I've currently failed both Law 'mocks' - although 47% last week gives me hope, if I can't somehow dredge up an extra 3% by Monday then, really, do I deserve to pass?
As for PA, I don't know what's going to happen there. I don't think many people in the class do either.  I don't think it's just me, that finds it rather strange that 4 days before the exam we're still covering the syllabus - I wonder if Libraries and the Police Force will come up as a question?
Yes, I know my politics, and as someone pointed out on Thursday if there was a Labour-Party module, or an anti-Tory-party module I'd probably ace it at 100%.
But unfortunately, even knowing that inside out will only get me 40 out of a possible 200 marks.
As for reporting, that will be down to how I do 'on the day' as they say. I know I can write, I know I can report.  I've been reporting since I was ten, and I passed the news writing exams before.  It's just a case of being uber-careful and playing 'a straight bat' as JT put it.
I'm not going to go into the ins and outs of the argument I got myself into in last week's 'mock reporting' exam but safe to say, I've yet to see a 70%+ answer.
Anyway, wish me luck.  Guess I'd better not miss church this weekend...

Don't we pay Paul's wages?

"I don't want to see you in here!" Thanks, Paul, great.  Feeling the love there mate.
Apparently News Associates have a new ethos: If you do well, succeed, and push on - you get penalised!

Why should we get forced out of the class and have the internet connection taken away, because we've passed shorthand early and no longer have to sit in the class?

We've all paid £3,300 for this course, we are entitled to use the facilities; for Paul to suggest that we should "buy a coffee" in order to use the internet elsewhere is a joke.

He's the one that has a small group left; they are the ones that should be in a smaller room, not us.

Get a grip mate, seriously. 

Apologies & Activism

Every edition of this blog that I write currently seems to contain the words “I can’t believe”; but really, I can’t believe that I’m 11 weeks in.  I can’t believe I’m writing shorthand at 110wpm. (Although John keeps challenging me and pushing onto 120!) I can’t believe that I have exams in 3 weeks.  And I can’t believe that in 9 weeks time I’ll have finished this course. (But can’t is different to don’t, so no,  I’m not Victor Meldrew!)

Last week I had a taste of the real thing – my first official crack at the shorthand 100wpm exam.  I think it went ok, despite getting a serious attack of the shakes about 30 words in and thinking I was going to collapse completely.  A beer at 11am has never tasted as good; PA afterwards wasn’t much fun though.

 I’m pretty sure it’s a pass and I’m just sat waiting now for the slowest markers in the worlds, The NCTJ, to post the results.

Bored has been the word for this week – ‘teacher with the spanners’ making us sit through the shorthand classes when most of us think we’ve passed, and then wondering why we’re talking and doing bugger all? Most of us have far more important things to be getting on with….features, CVs, Law, PA , Reporting or, more crucially, Twitter football name contests!!

It’s coming to something when we have to rely on a Chuckle-Brother-Esque collapsing desk to bring a bit of hilarity to the classroom.  “That’s coming out of your wages” was comic timing.

Plus, the amount of money that this course costs, you’d think they’d buy furniture that was a bit more sturdy wouldn’t you?

Tuesday the pressure was intense as we were entered into a competition aimed at improving our accuracy.  After getting every conceivable jabberwocky spelling right I was let down in the final against Marcus by one word – treatment.  About the one English word we’d had and it went.

Wednesday brought even more pressure (for some) – the mock reporting exam.  Two and a half hours of our best Duddleston Town efforts!  Hopefully most of us will be taking this exam early too – it’s going to be a big week that first week of December.  Better to do it before Christmas then spend the festive season drinking the memories away!

Of course, if I don’t make it as a journalist then a secondary career as a political activist could well be on the cards; slacker extraordinaire Chris Parlour left a comment on my Facebook wall which summed it up: “If you spend as much time……” 

I wonder if there are any jobs going at the Socialist Worker?  I’m sure when the revolution comes I’ll be right up there at the front, somewhere behind DT though I would imagine!

Friday again tomorrow – placement day. Things are still going well at The Dewsbury Reporter and they’re giving me plenty to do.  Have an invite to the Christmas party too. Note to self:  remember not to become a disgraceful drunk in front of colleagues!

The one downside, is that I have to reign in my political letter writing however, for the next 9 weeks at least!

I’ve had 3 articles published in the paper now; John Cooper was the biggest real-life test of my shorthand that I’ve faced.  But at least he was less daunting than the kids I was talking to last week.  Give me a 3 stone slimmer any day!

Now, I’m off to nctj.com to press refresh for the thousandth time just in case the results are now up…!

In out, In out, Sparks are all about

In Out, In Out!

Entertainment of the week has been watching DK pulling the cable out on the internet connection every couple of hours.  Or watching JT look at the box of cables without being sure which one to pull.

Absolutely Ridiculous. Yes, the Facebook useage of some people in the class is way way over the top...Fb counselling anyone? And, JT has a point, if you really can't go 2 hours without updating your life to the whole world, then you have issues!!

But...at the same time...we've all paid the same amount of money for the course and we are all in it for the same reasons.  So if people want to 'waste' their money and or time by dicking round on the 'net then that's their loss.

All of us have a 5 or 10 minute zone out in most of the lectures, and a good internet browse never hurt anyone. In the case of others there are deadlines that have to be met, and emails that have to be sent.  Sending those in lecture time never hurt anyone.  If not, then how are we supposed to 'stay in touch' - something key to any journalist.  Half 1 till 2 is lunch time, and by 5.30 or 6 most peope have gone home.

News Associates obviously lives and dies by its reputation for getting the most people through the exam with good marks; but if you think people spending all day on the internet is going to affect that, then I'd be very surprised.

There's always an alternative - hence the mysterious empty files that people may find cropping up in their 'personal' folders.

It takes the biscuit anyway when the lecturers' blackberries are going off with messages, or they are sat there so busy with the internet on their phones that they forget to let us go for lunch!

Get a grip - we all have Iphones, Blackberries & HTCs anyway so pull the wires if you have to, we'll just use the phones. 

And long may the sparks fly...smash the state indeed!

The closest I've come to wetting myself in class

Been away for a while, but I’m back.


After a week of holistic medicines there’s nothing to take away the pain this week.
Slightly narked today as I failed to pass 100wpm shorthand passage for the first time since I hit the top speed. Even more disappointing when yesterday I was passing two minutes at 110!


Desperate to nail the exam which is now just a week, yes, one week away. I not only want to pass it early, I want to get it out of the way to free up time for other things…namely Law and PA which are starting to blag my head with the exams for these about a month away. Whoever planned 5+ hours of shorthand on a Monday needs their head testing.


I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I can’t believe how quick the time is flying, next week is week 10 – the halfway marker already. If I can pass shorthand and newswriting and hopefully a good performance in the other two exams before Christmas then that’ll be presents enough for me this year.


It may even be time to start applying for jobs soon, although if I’m not back in Bradford on February 7 I’ll be very surprised!


Hoping to have an article in the Reporter tomorrow, which will be my first piece since I switched my placement. Not had any portfolio pieces for a while which is something I need to work on – easier if I don’t have to do three hours of shorthand anymore.


Luckily enough I’ve had the biggest (i.e longest) piece signed off as complete – the feature. Thanks to Mr Escapology himself the wonderful Roslyn Walker!


Talking of features, even thinking back to yesterday’s guest lecture brings tears to my eyes…
…I have never laughed so much in my life. “Whoosh, bang, pop” shouted RW as he flailed his arms round like a bird and threatened to take someone’s eye out. When he wasn’t doing bird impressions he was walking round and round on the spot muttering to himself. Or expressing disdain for the Daily Mail or explaining how Madonna makes babies.

This building could well be a testing lab for BBC comedy characters. Che Toomer, RP, Maguire, we’ve had some characters through that door in the last few weeks.


Onwards and upwards we go.

A picture tells a 100 words...(per minute)!!

For the first time in 6 years, and after only 6 weeks on the course, I've cracked it!!